I don't know how I came to be so blessed with the extra worry genes...but I got more than my fair share of them. I worry about life, I worry about death, I worry about money, I worry about tragedy, I worry about financial ruin, I worry about being alone. Worry is my oldest and nearest friend/enemy. From as far back as I can remember I have always been worried about something. So, today...nothing has changed.
I am facing a decision to go on a trip within the next week or two. By nature, I am not a traveler. I love my home and my home-life and I don't really have that vagabond gene. Insert worry here. I don't really want to go, but there are circumstances in my life that are almost forcing my hand. I hate that feeling. Regardless, if I do end up traveling, I will have an amazing trip. There is always a great sense of accomplishment when I travel like I do. That feeling of the open road...it truly is a road trip of 2300 miles and I make it every 6 weeks, give or take. But for some reason, I am not looking forward to this next one. I miss Elvis and Peanut like crazy when I'm gone, and it doesn't feel right to be away for a week with no contact with them.
Anyways, I wonder if I will end up going or not. I told Elvis I would like a night to sleep on it. I was secretly hoping that if I blogged about it, that something would come out of my post that would direct me either way. So far...nada. (poop!)
Other than the worry, today was non eventful. I sold two books and really got happy about that. It feels like that part of my business is taking off, and it rightly should. I have put a lot of time and energy into that lately and it's great to see results.
Elvis and I went to the gym this evening when he got home. I was excited to go because I started back on my Couch to 5K program again. I always use this program when I have taken a break from running to help me get my endurance built back up. So I am on Week One, Day Two. Just an easy breezy 30 minute workout. But man! Could I feel it! We walked into the gym and I was pissed to see this young buff kid in there pumping his muscles. I hate to be faced with a situation like this because Elvis is very threatened by younger men. (did I mention he is 20 years older than me?) Not that I think of him as an old man, but he definitely has issues with younger men around me. So I tried my hardest to ignore this kid while he ran around the gym doing his exercises. So far, Elvis hasn't mentioned him again, but I have a feeling he will at some point. He did ask me if I was going to love him forever and always be good to him tonight, though. I figured this was due to the kid at the gym. The thing is, (and if Elvis would believe me when I tell him this) that little kid couldn't turn my head if he tried. I always tell Elvis, that if him and I weren't together, that I would still be with an older man. They are my type. I was seeing a 35 year old man when I was 17 so that sort of cut my teeth early. ;) I have never seen age as a hindrance when dating. We had a laugh the other day when Elvis was telling me a story about something that happened in the year 1980, and he talked about what he was doing that year and where he was living. I said something about how I would still have been living in Indiana, and he busted out laughing when he did the math and we realized I would have been 3 years old. It sounds weird when you say it like that....like he was 20 years old when I was born. But after 25...age is irrelevant in my opinion. So anyways, back to the gym...I hope he relaxes in my love and realizes that no amount of 20 year olds could turn my head. I love him with all of my heart and don't ever plan to change that. He just needs to believe me.
I need to go and call my Mom 2 so have a good evening. Ta ta. :)
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Fishing - Revealed
I know I post about fishing a lot. A. Lot. But its one of my favorite things to do ever. Of all time. So we go every week. Just about. Sometimes twice. So I wanted to share some pictures of where we go, what we do, and how we do it.
This is my interpretation of our fishing excursions...in photo. :)
This is my interpretation of our fishing excursions...in photo. :)
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| Our Private Retreat |
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| This is the rest of it. |
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| Worms :) |
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| Sneaky visitor. |
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| Curious |
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| Thirsty visitors. |
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| Elvis doing what he does best. |
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| Tomboy. |
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| Success. |
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| Pretty. |
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| Keeping score: Priscilla-11, Elvis-7 |
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Yeah, yeah.
So I didn't post yesterday, and it feels weird. I was...shall I say, emotionally disrupted last evening. After a shit storm of an argument, I was exhausted. I'm not going to get into it here, as there is a slight risk that I might come away affected by the rehash, so lets just say Elvis and I worked through it (Marriage is HARD WORK, ya'll!!) and came out on the other side just fine.
Today was fun fun fun! I found lots of good books at a local Goodwill, and have my work cut out for me for the next few days. I am so happy to get out and go do stuff. I mean, who knew shopping was so much work?! ;)
I wanted to write a little bit more this evening about a different subject, but I'm feeling good about my mood right now, and I don't want to alter that in any way b writing something heavy. So I am going to end on a happy and upbeat note and wish everyone a Happy Friday tomorrow. :)
Good night, Moon.
Today was fun fun fun! I found lots of good books at a local Goodwill, and have my work cut out for me for the next few days. I am so happy to get out and go do stuff. I mean, who knew shopping was so much work?! ;)
I wanted to write a little bit more this evening about a different subject, but I'm feeling good about my mood right now, and I don't want to alter that in any way b writing something heavy. So I am going to end on a happy and upbeat note and wish everyone a Happy Friday tomorrow. :)
Good night, Moon.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
I went to Tulsa today!
Very very unlike my neck of the woods. But a fun excursion. :) I can't tell you how many times my damn Garmin had to tell me "recalculating" because I had missed some exit or another...but hey...that's what she gets paid for. So yeah...a fun day in the city filled with literary pleasures and general city bustles. Loved it.
There was a minor moment of drama between Elvis and myself, but it was such a nothing that I won't even mention it here. It really was a nothing. One of those trivial spats between couples that never matter in five minutes time. It was one of those.
Now on to the important topic of the day: Casey Anthony is found NOT GUILTY!!!!!! Should I say that again, because I don't think it was shocking enough the first time... <<<NOT GUILTY>>>
Really? Wow. Hmmm. I, along with the rest of America, am stunned! I think she did it. I'm pretty sure she killed her baby. Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuttttttttttttttttt....the prosecution did not prove it. Case closed. Because if they had proven it...right-o, you know where I'm headed. I did tear up when they read the not guilty verdict. There was something so incredibly human and raw in Casey's sharp intake of breath...like she was trying to get air...and the crumbling of her composure as she tried to maintain the court's rules and not cry out. It was moving. And I love Jose Baez. He is a true gentleman, and was incredibly gracious in the after comments to the press. He gave accolades to the prosecution team (even though Linda Drane-Burdick wouldn't even shake his hand after the court was recessed...I saw that, Linda, and you lost a lot of my respect for that racial snub), and the few words that he spoke in Spanish to his mother were incredibly touching. I have always said that I felt that he was the more gracious attorney versus Jeff Ashton the arrogant prick. And in case I seem over informed on the case...I AM! I have lived, eaten, dreamed, breathed this case for 6 weeks now. I have mixed feelings on the outcome, but I do believe in our justice system. Lord knows, if I were innocent and being tried by a jury of my peers, I would seek the same outcome. Let freedom ring.
There was a minor moment of drama between Elvis and myself, but it was such a nothing that I won't even mention it here. It really was a nothing. One of those trivial spats between couples that never matter in five minutes time. It was one of those.
Now on to the important topic of the day: Casey Anthony is found NOT GUILTY!!!!!! Should I say that again, because I don't think it was shocking enough the first time... <<<NOT GUILTY>>>
Really? Wow. Hmmm. I, along with the rest of America, am stunned! I think she did it. I'm pretty sure she killed her baby. Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuttttttttttttttttt....the prosecution did not prove it. Case closed. Because if they had proven it...right-o, you know where I'm headed. I did tear up when they read the not guilty verdict. There was something so incredibly human and raw in Casey's sharp intake of breath...like she was trying to get air...and the crumbling of her composure as she tried to maintain the court's rules and not cry out. It was moving. And I love Jose Baez. He is a true gentleman, and was incredibly gracious in the after comments to the press. He gave accolades to the prosecution team (even though Linda Drane-Burdick wouldn't even shake his hand after the court was recessed...I saw that, Linda, and you lost a lot of my respect for that racial snub), and the few words that he spoke in Spanish to his mother were incredibly touching. I have always said that I felt that he was the more gracious attorney versus Jeff Ashton the arrogant prick. And in case I seem over informed on the case...I AM! I have lived, eaten, dreamed, breathed this case for 6 weeks now. I have mixed feelings on the outcome, but I do believe in our justice system. Lord knows, if I were innocent and being tried by a jury of my peers, I would seek the same outcome. Let freedom ring.
Monday, July 4, 2011
Happy Independance Day**
**Alternate Title: No-firework-ordinance-towns suck eggs. Not as catchy but equally applicable. :)
This is a definite first for me. I am used to spending my Fourths of July having BBQ's, swimming, spending time with family and friends...etc. And at the end of the day, we pile into pickups with plenty of blankets and bag chairs and head to the designated spot for the city's fireworks display. That is NOT how it is done here. In this town of population 2500. Here, they allow you to put on your OWN fireworks display. From the sounds of the sirens that screamed up and down the streets this evening, they have no problem with rampant brush fires and children on fire. So lots of neighbors are the pyro-technicians this evening. Elvis and I grabbed our lawn chairs and sat out in the yard to watch. I have to admit it was awesome to be so up close and personal. Until the dud from next door whizzed inches over our heads. That was scary fun. I thought that the festivities would dry up around 10 or so. Naw...still going strong. I don't really have a problem with these party people, but my small 10 pound dog has a HUGE problem with it. She has been shaking/trembling/convulsing/ for the last 3 hours. Poor baby. That and its a school night so we all have to work tomorrow. (I think I just officially turned into my mother!!!)
Speaking of Mom, I ran across a card she sent me today. I was in the process of organizing my office (a never-ending, ongoing project) and I found this card. It was a basic encouragement card...something about things could be worse...you could be allergic to shopping...or something equally as cute. But the note inside KILLED me dead. She was writing this note from her hospital room. She was preparing for gazillion-eth round of chemo....and she is sending ME encouragement notes. Oh, how I miss this woman. Her eternal sunshine and the love she had for her children. I am blessed to be one of hers. I read parts of it to Elvis (all the while alternating bawling and laughing...he must think I'm nuts) but he reminded me again of what a great person she was...IS...and how proud she must have been of me. (she was so proud) I don't have moments like that much anymore, but I still choke up when I try to talk about her. I love my Mom and miss her every day.
We got up sooooo freakin early this morning. Went fishing (do you notice a theme here? Yeah...we fish A. LOT.) and Elvis caught the hugest bass I have ever seen. Even bigger than the last one I wrote about! Serious. So that was fun, but with my monthly visitor looming, I was less than good company. No arguments...just a little less cheery than usual.
Came back home and lounged around the house...not really doing much at all, until this afternoon, in which we had the most stellar sex! Knock the pics off the walls, sex. I love our chemistry.
We are now in bed trying to console our peanut and remind her that Independence Day will soon be over and the dreaded fireworks will not reappear for one year. Poor baby.
Happy Fourth of July!!!
This is a definite first for me. I am used to spending my Fourths of July having BBQ's, swimming, spending time with family and friends...etc. And at the end of the day, we pile into pickups with plenty of blankets and bag chairs and head to the designated spot for the city's fireworks display. That is NOT how it is done here. In this town of population 2500. Here, they allow you to put on your OWN fireworks display. From the sounds of the sirens that screamed up and down the streets this evening, they have no problem with rampant brush fires and children on fire. So lots of neighbors are the pyro-technicians this evening. Elvis and I grabbed our lawn chairs and sat out in the yard to watch. I have to admit it was awesome to be so up close and personal. Until the dud from next door whizzed inches over our heads. That was scary fun. I thought that the festivities would dry up around 10 or so. Naw...still going strong. I don't really have a problem with these party people, but my small 10 pound dog has a HUGE problem with it. She has been shaking/trembling/convulsing/ for the last 3 hours. Poor baby. That and its a school night so we all have to work tomorrow. (I think I just officially turned into my mother!!!)
Speaking of Mom, I ran across a card she sent me today. I was in the process of organizing my office (a never-ending, ongoing project) and I found this card. It was a basic encouragement card...something about things could be worse...you could be allergic to shopping...or something equally as cute. But the note inside KILLED me dead. She was writing this note from her hospital room. She was preparing for gazillion-eth round of chemo....and she is sending ME encouragement notes. Oh, how I miss this woman. Her eternal sunshine and the love she had for her children. I am blessed to be one of hers. I read parts of it to Elvis (all the while alternating bawling and laughing...he must think I'm nuts) but he reminded me again of what a great person she was...IS...and how proud she must have been of me. (she was so proud) I don't have moments like that much anymore, but I still choke up when I try to talk about her. I love my Mom and miss her every day.
We got up sooooo freakin early this morning. Went fishing (do you notice a theme here? Yeah...we fish A. LOT.) and Elvis caught the hugest bass I have ever seen. Even bigger than the last one I wrote about! Serious. So that was fun, but with my monthly visitor looming, I was less than good company. No arguments...just a little less cheery than usual.
Came back home and lounged around the house...not really doing much at all, until this afternoon, in which we had the most stellar sex! Knock the pics off the walls, sex. I love our chemistry.
We are now in bed trying to console our peanut and remind her that Independence Day will soon be over and the dreaded fireworks will not reappear for one year. Poor baby.
Happy Fourth of July!!!
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Euphoria
Do you ever stop...right in the middle of your life...and think to yourself "MAN...I have got it MADE!" I did that tonight. I was talking to my second Mom on the phone, and it occurred to me that somewhere in the future (distant or not) that I wouldn't be able to talk to her every night before I go to bed. That I won't be sitting in this house...this home that I have created for me and my love...that this moment will not always be as it is now. I just had a huge wave of thankfulness pour over me, for I am blessed. Very blessed.
I really want to focus on the good in my life. I don't know why that is so hard to do. I have a great life. But I have so many trust issues that rob me of my happiness. But back to my mantra: Don't worry...be happy. :) So that's what I am going to try to do. I am about to be visited by my monthly guest, so we'll see if this attitude can hold up through the PMS fog. I really hope it does, because I'm tired of being sad. I am so over that.
So lets see. Today was a weird day. Because of the heat (ten straight days with no rain and over 100 degrees daily) we decided to grill out in the morning. So at 8:3o this morning, Elvis was out there with his grill mitts on, grilling up a feast worthy of the gods!!! This mad is a genius with the grill. And not the pansy-ass propane grill either. The first time I told him that this was the way I grilled...he laughed me out the door.
"Seriously babe...only wimps grill with propane" (he said it like it was a curse word)
Well...excuse me. But he showed me. Briquettes and fire, apparently, are what the ancients used to grill their ambrosia. Seriously. So he was out there grilling while I ran around with the hose and prepared my beautiful flowers for another harsh day of brutal sun. And brutal it was, but we didn't care as we were holed up inside with BBQ to eat and the Casey Anthony trial to watch. (which is a whole other chapter, that we won't get into here)
We didn't go anywhere except down to the gas station for some smokes, and that was fine by me. I love my home and love spending time in it. I think I must get that from my Mom. She was a homebody also, and didn't like to travel too far.
And laundry. I did laundry all day. I hate laundry because its never done. Ever. I do this crazy thing where I will try to get completely caught up. I'll strip down naked, and make Elvis do the same so that I can wash our current dirties, and even that doesn't work because then we are working on dirtying the next batch. Its almost to the point where I'm washing the towels before we even use them. I'm silly. And laundry. Can. Seriously. Bite. Me.
Other than that, this day was calm and uneventful. I didn't finish organizing the office, but maybe I'll do that tomorrow. (says the girl with the serious procrastination issues, lol)
Whatever. So that was today. :) And tomorrow...I will catch fish. Wait on the pictures. I'm serious.
I really want to focus on the good in my life. I don't know why that is so hard to do. I have a great life. But I have so many trust issues that rob me of my happiness. But back to my mantra: Don't worry...be happy. :) So that's what I am going to try to do. I am about to be visited by my monthly guest, so we'll see if this attitude can hold up through the PMS fog. I really hope it does, because I'm tired of being sad. I am so over that.
So lets see. Today was a weird day. Because of the heat (ten straight days with no rain and over 100 degrees daily) we decided to grill out in the morning. So at 8:3o this morning, Elvis was out there with his grill mitts on, grilling up a feast worthy of the gods!!! This mad is a genius with the grill. And not the pansy-ass propane grill either. The first time I told him that this was the way I grilled...he laughed me out the door.
"Seriously babe...only wimps grill with propane" (he said it like it was a curse word)
Well...excuse me. But he showed me. Briquettes and fire, apparently, are what the ancients used to grill their ambrosia. Seriously. So he was out there grilling while I ran around with the hose and prepared my beautiful flowers for another harsh day of brutal sun. And brutal it was, but we didn't care as we were holed up inside with BBQ to eat and the Casey Anthony trial to watch. (which is a whole other chapter, that we won't get into here)
We didn't go anywhere except down to the gas station for some smokes, and that was fine by me. I love my home and love spending time in it. I think I must get that from my Mom. She was a homebody also, and didn't like to travel too far.
And laundry. I did laundry all day. I hate laundry because its never done. Ever. I do this crazy thing where I will try to get completely caught up. I'll strip down naked, and make Elvis do the same so that I can wash our current dirties, and even that doesn't work because then we are working on dirtying the next batch. Its almost to the point where I'm washing the towels before we even use them. I'm silly. And laundry. Can. Seriously. Bite. Me.
Other than that, this day was calm and uneventful. I didn't finish organizing the office, but maybe I'll do that tomorrow. (says the girl with the serious procrastination issues, lol)
Whatever. So that was today. :) And tomorrow...I will catch fish. Wait on the pictures. I'm serious.
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Long Overdue.
I just wanted to post some pictures of the HUGE birthday celebration that we had for my lover. This is my way of marking it as history(my history) so I am going to try to update on a regular basis.
Don't you love the John Wayne picture?? I do. In love with it. It was in this random furniture store a couple of towns over, and it is a hand-drawn pencil sketch of the Duke. Amazing.
Today was pretty great. We did get up early to go fishing. I did not catch a single fish. but I also wasn't in the mood to apply myself either. I laid down in the boat while Elvis caught all the fish. I was so freaking tired for some reason. We came home...showered...and right back to bed we went. I love doing that. :)
Elvis put together my lateral filing cabinet today too (God, I love him) so I spent the evening organizing and filing. I love doing that kind of thing...I really do get a kick out of it. I have more to do tomorrow, as far as getting my office whipped into shape. Hell, I might even post pictures of it when I'm done. (don't hold your breath)
I am bone tired and am looking forward to my dreams so I will sign off. Night.
Today was pretty great. We did get up early to go fishing. I did not catch a single fish. but I also wasn't in the mood to apply myself either. I laid down in the boat while Elvis caught all the fish. I was so freaking tired for some reason. We came home...showered...and right back to bed we went. I love doing that. :)
Elvis put together my lateral filing cabinet today too (God, I love him) so I spent the evening organizing and filing. I love doing that kind of thing...I really do get a kick out of it. I have more to do tomorrow, as far as getting my office whipped into shape. Hell, I might even post pictures of it when I'm done. (don't hold your breath)
I am bone tired and am looking forward to my dreams so I will sign off. Night.
Compassion
So I am going to place (or attempt to, anyway) a video on this page for your viewing pleasure. It occurred to me the other day that this blog is 100% for ME and as such, I want to make myself little reminders of things I liked in 2011 and songs that inspired me. I was watching TV the other day and a commercial came on for Korean Air...the song they were playing was divine! I had to know who sang it and also hear the rest of the song. Well, after a 2 second Google search, I found that it is sung by the group "Luna Seeds" and the common name for the song is "Compassion." It is also called "Breathe to This". Awesome song. It strikes such a chord with me (a very mellow, relaxing chord...you'll understand what I mean when you listen to it) especially the part that goes:
"Be gentle with yourself...when you're falling down."
I could only dream of having that much self love. Most days I hate myself and don't blame others for doing the same. I guess its love/hate, as with anything else. Can you imagine the relief of just being able to take care of yourself. Gently. Even if you're in the middle of fucking up every single thing you touch? Ahhhhhhh.
So I can find inspiration anywhere...even in a commercial. :) (don't get me started on one of my favorite songs of all time which I heard on an automobile advert. I'll post the video for it too, just to annoy Elvis who about DIED when he saw that I had downloaded it to my iPod and listened to it regularly.)
Enjoy!
Yes...this song by "Black Sheep" is currently under my Fave list on the iPod. That wasn't a joke. :D
So we went fishing this evening. Elvis caught the biggest Bass I have ever seen up that close! For real, ya'll!! I was so shit-tickled that I was literally shaking trying to take a picture. He was so damn proud of himself, and I was too, dammit! We have fished this spot for about 3 weeks now, and neither of us has seen such a big fish. He threw him back...mostly because he didn't want to come home and clean him. ("clean" is a nice way of saying MURDER AND GUT HIM)
I am still trying to come to grips with that part of fishing. I've gotten fairly good at baiting my own hook with a live worm, but sometimes I still secretly thank them for sacrificing themselves so I can catch a nice fish. I really don't like to think about if they can feel pain or panic or any of that. If I think on that long enough, I'd end up fishing with those fake worms for the rest of my life! (which is no fun as the fish seem to be on to that game and don't bite)
I am going to shut this post down but in the footnotes, let me sneak in that I had amazing sex, not once...but TWO times in two day! Jealous much?! :)
Nighty-night.
"Be gentle with yourself...when you're falling down."
I could only dream of having that much self love. Most days I hate myself and don't blame others for doing the same. I guess its love/hate, as with anything else. Can you imagine the relief of just being able to take care of yourself. Gently. Even if you're in the middle of fucking up every single thing you touch? Ahhhhhhh.
So I can find inspiration anywhere...even in a commercial. :) (don't get me started on one of my favorite songs of all time which I heard on an automobile advert. I'll post the video for it too, just to annoy Elvis who about DIED when he saw that I had downloaded it to my iPod and listened to it regularly.)
Enjoy!
Yes...this song by "Black Sheep" is currently under my Fave list on the iPod. That wasn't a joke. :D
So we went fishing this evening. Elvis caught the biggest Bass I have ever seen up that close! For real, ya'll!! I was so shit-tickled that I was literally shaking trying to take a picture. He was so damn proud of himself, and I was too, dammit! We have fished this spot for about 3 weeks now, and neither of us has seen such a big fish. He threw him back...mostly because he didn't want to come home and clean him. ("clean" is a nice way of saying MURDER AND GUT HIM)
I am still trying to come to grips with that part of fishing. I've gotten fairly good at baiting my own hook with a live worm, but sometimes I still secretly thank them for sacrificing themselves so I can catch a nice fish. I really don't like to think about if they can feel pain or panic or any of that. If I think on that long enough, I'd end up fishing with those fake worms for the rest of my life! (which is no fun as the fish seem to be on to that game and don't bite)
I am going to shut this post down but in the footnotes, let me sneak in that I had amazing sex, not once...but TWO times in two day! Jealous much?! :)
Nighty-night.
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