So today was AWESOME! In every single sense of the word (except I didn't get laid today, but I did yesterday so its all good). I had a better peaceful feeling and I actively worked on pushing away negative thoughts. I have been reading that book "Eat, Pray, Love" and there are some amazing lessons to be learned in those pages. I don't buy into all of the chanting/yoga/meditation stuff in the "Pray" part of the book, but there were words of wisdom for me as far as dispelling bad thoughts and negative broodings. Such as:
"Stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone oughta be." (that is classic and something I should have tattooed on my forehead. Also:
"You should never give yourself the chance to fall apart, because when you do...it becomes a tendency and it happens over and over again. Practice staying strong instead. "
Ugh! That last one kills me. So I tried it today. Elvis and I were laying in bad today having a little nap, and we started talking about my dad. I had a dream last night that my Dad was dead, and I woke up with my heart pounding and I was surprisingly alarmed by this. I love my Dad, but man...is our relationship complicated. Like I told Elvis, I never expected my Dad's passing to impact me the way my Mom's has. When my Mom died, I went crazy. Literally. I smoked, drank, hung out with people who didn't help these tendencies. Oh...and I finally got out of the horrible marriage I was daily dying in. But I always assumed when my Dad dies, it will be noted. Perhaps be a little sad. But not life changing like my Mom's death. After I had that dream, I wasn't so sure. As I laid in bed thinking about this dream and trying to calm myself down, I began to feel guilty for not sending my Dad a Father's Day card. Elvis asked me if I was going to, and I just said "Nah". I got that impression that Elvis would have liked it better if I had. And now I wish I had also. Is it too late for that? Maybe I could find a Father's Day card on the clearance rack at Walmart, huh? I'm totally joking. But I do regret not sending one now. I love my Dad. I wish we were closer. But it goes back to that saying about your replacing your wishbone with your backbone. Duly noted. I haven't formed a concrete plan as to what to do about my relationship with Dad, but I definitely want to work on it. And I promise to actively do just that. Not just sit back and procrastinate as usual. I promise.
The rest of my day was blissfully uneventful. We planted the moon flowers today. They are gorgeous! I will post pictures later of what they look like in the ground. All of my flowers are so healthy, and its a testament to my husbands green thumbs and my yellow-ish ones. Lol.
After we did that, I came inside and showered, and we made a little lunch, and then I passed OUT! We took a little nap for roughly 2.5 hours (weekends are amazing for catching up on sleep!) and then we got up and made our trek to Wally World for BBQ fixins. My amazing husband, Elvis, then commenced to laying out for me the best, most tasty, most perfectly roasted BBQ feast you have ever seen, or eaten. Awesome. My guts are still tore up from the food fest. And Elvis is adored.
After I cleaned up the kitchen, we have just sat around this evening, watching TV and just sharing companionship and affection. I love our weekends. They sustain me through my lonely weeks without him.
I definitely have misgivings with sending him off to work tomorrow, but I want to just not even go there in my head (aka, crazytown). So I won't even blog about it right now. I love him and I have to trust that he loves me and will never do me wrong. The end.
I love the cathartic feelings I get from this blog. It feels great to dispel all of the poison from my mind onto these pages and then hit "publish" ,get up, and walk away from it all. I only wish it were that easy to walk away from my thoughts.
Anyways...piss off if you don't like what you read. I didn't want you here in the first place. Don't you know a diary is private?! :)
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